So…this happened

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately, took a little blogging hiatus so I could try to get more zen with this trying for baby thing…and I guess it worked.

This happened yesterday:

I woke up two days late.  I took my temperature and it was a little lower than it had been.  My heart sank, I just knew my period was coming.  As Mr. S got out of bed he said, “You snored last night, it was cute.”  So…maybe my temp was off?

I had to pee anyway so I rolled out of bed and made a decision, I needed to know.  I had thought about waiting.  If it was negative my hope was gone, and hope was better right?

So I peed in my cup and dipped the wondfo.  Knowing it would be negative I dumped the rest of the sample and crawled back into bed, starring at the clock for the next five minutes.  At exactly five minutes later I got back out of bed.  Ready to be deflated.

I saw that line immediately, and my heart leapt into my throat.  I was immediately sobbing.  It was a mixture of emotions.  Of holy crap, I’m so happy, I’m so scared, what did we do?  I had thought about lots of cute ways to tell Mr. S if this had ever happened but in that moment it all went out the window, and sobbing I went on knocked on his bathroom door.

He answered and looked at my tear soaked face.  I could see the panic in his eyes, he asked if I was OK, he wanted to know what happened.  I couldn’t speak so I just handed him my little pee tinged stick.  He asked if I was pregnant and when I nodded he finally hugged me.  We just stood there for a while, hugging while I sobbed and then we finished getting ready for our days.

I was a little disappointed with his reaction.  Later in the day he told me that he’s trying to be cautious because so much can happen.  And this is a direct quote, “I’ve seen lots of sitcoms where they read those things wrong.”  Seriously…this is not an episode of Friends Mr. S.

So today I took two more test:

 

The wondfo line showed up after only about a minute, and the digital showed a result in the same time.  I took this picture before the five minutes on the Wondfo so it doesn’t look as dark as it does in real life.

I crawled back in to bed with the test and he said, “Oh, this one’s different than yesterday.”  I responded, “Well yeah, this one’s stupid proof since you didn’t have confidence that I knew how to read a pregnancy test.”

So for now, I’m gleeful.  I know it’s super early, and I know the statistics.  10% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.  But, I also know that there’s a 90% chance we’ll be ok.  And now we know that we CAN do it on our own.  We don’t HAVE to resort to IVF  like the doctor had thought (I’m thinking she just doesn’t know how to read a freaking sperm analysis).  Even if the worst we to happen, at least now we have some faith that we’re both operating like we should.

I’m also feeling a little sad.  Sad for our friends who start IVF next month, even though I’m so hopeful and excited for them.  Sad for those who try and try and can’t achieve this thing they’ve dreamed for.  Sad for those who struggle with the unknown and feel like sometimes this whole baby thing is like treading water for too long.  I was there, just last month.  I felt like my legs were going to give out and I was in over my head.

And now here I am.  Cautiously optimistic that this little nugget will stick around.  Cautiously optimistic that next summer I’ll be huge and uncomfortable in the heat, waddling around and glaring at women in their bikinis.

I’m also so hopeful that all of you will feel that catch in your throat as your starring at two lines soon.